he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
