So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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