The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
