3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
