yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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