I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
