dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
