I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She needs sedatives and a leash
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
