I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
