did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
