like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
