Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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