we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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