We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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