it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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