i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
