Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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