Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
