Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
