STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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