My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
