Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
