party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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