Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
