U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
