3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
