The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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