We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
