I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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