Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
