I'm going to jail i love you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
