Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
