So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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