ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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