I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
