yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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