When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
