I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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