shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
