Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
a search helicopter?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
