I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
