I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
