I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to calm my uterus...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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