discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
