My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
