so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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