She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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