Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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