Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
