I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
