I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
