biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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