The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
