tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
