My hand turned me down
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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