Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
