census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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