Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Naked Twister starts at high noon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
