Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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