My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
