She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
