they need to just BURY HIM!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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