I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
