he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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