I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize