Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
