If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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