I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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