The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
