he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
