Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cannot find my penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We just shotgunned beers for America
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
